I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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