Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
