I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
