I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
