Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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