Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
