Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
