So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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