The maid of honor just puked.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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