Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
