That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
