Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
