I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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