Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
