I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Congratulations! We have a period
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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