coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
