my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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