Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
