Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So much rum. So many feels.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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