i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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