They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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