um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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