Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
