i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
