Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
