There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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