I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
