You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
