FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
