I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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