come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
