got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
