Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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