Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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