tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
