Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize