just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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