holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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