would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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