I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
