He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just tell him i said nine months
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
