Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
