After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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