I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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