in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
