Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
