Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
