a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
