when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
