The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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