I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
