They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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