really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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