i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
