I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
