dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
