I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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