I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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