Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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