i already hear my dad disowning me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize