I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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