You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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