So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
